yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
