I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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