Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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