Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize