Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
