last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
