i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Randomize
