Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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