my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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