I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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