I'm really into asian looking animals
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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