The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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