the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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