i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize