I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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