guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
