I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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