well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
