i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
