can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
