if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I checked into jail on foursquare
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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