But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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