I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
His hands were made for my vagina.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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