I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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