It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
