Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
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Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
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Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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