You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
