i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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