Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
