Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
