there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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