Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
