I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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