Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
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If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
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I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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