Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
