i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
