Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
