That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just found a bag of teeth...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
