I am midnight drunk by noon
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He shit in the fireplace
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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