mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
