i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
