Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
