Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I faked an abortion last night.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize