you would pick up someone in the library
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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