Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize