apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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