It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
