I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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