I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
