i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
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