So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
