he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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