I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
