I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Two words: blizzard sex
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
