whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
