This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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