everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
