Say something about gay babies.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
