I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
