we're blogging at a bar
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
