The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
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