When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
