I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
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So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
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I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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