only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
