Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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