dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
